Moose Mountain Comics

Maine’s Moose Mountain National Park is a scenic wonderland offering rugged, wave-eroded coastline, magnificent maritime landscapes, glorious flora, unique fauna and, of course, serenity in abundance. However, what you don’t see in these so-called idyllic surroundings is the emotional trauma being suffered daily by park inhabitants.

Hello, Ranger Todd here. As a Park Ranger and a wildlife psychiatrist (unaccredited South Sea island school) I’ve devoted my life to veterinary behavioral science. I recently conducted a squirrel support group and became aware of certain day-to-day pressures suffered by average, bushy-tailed, tree-dwelling rodents.

What I learned from that session may astound you. You see, it’s really no wonder the average squirrel appears nervous, hyper-active…stressed, even. While squirrels may not fret over mortgages, past due bills, or the ever-changing price of oil, THEY DO HAVE PROBLEMS.

Did you know that a squirrel’s teeth are constantly growing? That’s right.  And to keep their ever-growing teeth from getting out-of-control,  the squirrel must chew continuously.  Every moment of every day, squirrels need to be gnash-gnash-gnashing away. Diligent chewing helps a squirrel file down its teeth to a reasonable size.  And let me tell you, friends, according to reliable sources, there are plenty of times when  exasperated squirrels just want to rest their jaws, relax, kick back, and enjoy some much needed “down” time. Unfortunately, no matter how tedious the task, squirrels ABSOLUTELY MUST, at all times, bite, crunch, munch and/or gnaw! For a squirrel, refusing to chew could be (cue dramatic music) FATAL.

So, that’s why I started this support group, so that squirrels seeking comfort and consolation will be able to develop the coping skills needed to accept the laws of nature and ultimately lead a normal, stress free life.

If you know of a friend, family member or fellow nut-gatherer who you think might benefit from this program, don’t hesitate to direct them to our meetings held at the old fire tower near Burble Pond every Tuesdays at two p.m.

This is Ranger Todd, therapist to woodland creatures everywhere, saying “so long” and remember…Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck may be somebody’s co-dependent.